Think of Happy Thoughts to Make You Fly

Today there is no "trauma attack!"

I survived my whole day shift with every passing hour thanking God for a successful feat against myself and the demons of yesterday. I thought I'm not going to make it but He is so powerful to give me my peace and courage to keep on going. My prayers is to continue my healing physically, emotionally and mentally and soon be new as if I did not encounter anything like this.

Last week, was one of my longest week. I'm on the lookout to end the day and go to a deep slumber where I find peace and tranquility. During the weekend I was able to recharge my tired spirit and worn out self. We went to the church and I felt spiritually healed. For in every step of the way God is with me. I'm thinking now, whenever I feel the pit, "what would Jesus THINK" given this situation? And from that question I am able to derive what to feel and what to act. Also, I'm able to unwind and watch a movie to relax, walked by the bay and had a good feeling that everything will be alright.

My progress is slow but I'm taking my time. I know soon this will be over.

I am thankful to J for standing beside me in this crises, to my family especially to my sister Ven and Auntie Bing for encouraging me, to my friends at work for always helping me when things go low.

And today, I prayed to the Lord to give me a strong heart and feed me with only happy thoughts. Over the weekend I was able to fill my happy thoughts bucket that I had so much to grab whenever I need one today. Still, prayer is my strongest weapon and a quote from Napoleon Hill.

I wrote them at the back of an invite and have it placed in front of me as constant reminder that nothing and no one is greater than my God.

And as my reward... I had doughnuts!

God is good. All the time!

Let God take care of the rest...

Life lessons do come our way in sometimes most inconvenient way. We thought we are capable of handling until it struck us right in the middle where you are not in control of anything. Even the slight tremble of your fingers or the conscious effort to focus your thoughts on good things are totally out of control. You are helpless and all you can do is Trust and Pray that soon everything will be okey.

Yesterday, it happened to me. I was placed in a situation that is all new to me. I felt so defeated and suddenly all bad memories and regrets of my dreaded December accident flashed back. Just like that and it hit me like a storm. 

I am not strong. I am weak and full of insecurities. I felt jaded and so disoriented.

I had panic attack. I don't know the right medical term to call what I went through yesterday. But it was grueling, tiresome and I had no control while I was under its spell. It was triggered when I saw a photo of an accident where a collegiate player abroad broke his leg. Yes. That very strong bone-broke like a branch of a tree. 

I don't know what really hit me, was it really just picture and the agonizing idea of what happened to him or it is just a precursor of what really lies in me subconsciously. That all this time I am just at the eye of the storm, anytime ready to blow away? I would rather take the first than the latter. But then again, maybe I am wrong- I am really not strong and I have not get over the fact that the accident was all my fault. There are a lot of 'what ifs and if only' that is going through my mind now.

First step, I have to forgive myself. 

What's done is done. Move on. Get over it. 

What happened is the result of my action- I have to learn from it and be a better person now. I can't turn back the time all I can do now is to move on and repair what has been broken- physically and emotionally. I have to be strong. I need to be strong for myself. This can't bring me down. You can do this Ailynette.

There are a lot of people who believe in me my family and friends. I need to be strong and I need to work on this phase of my life. It shouldn't be that every time I remember or I'll see anything close to it I will just break down. I have to get hold of my emotions and work on my EQ.

But how?

Some things are easier said than done.

A lot of people will tell me their "expertise" on the subject but they don't know anything of what I'm going through right now. And it can't go on like this. I need to cope to it.

Should I seek medical advice? Or maybe I just need a vacation? 

I will go for a vacation. Maybe what I need is a happy experience to suppress the bad ones.

God, 

Please be my guide. Be my doctor. Send me peace and serenity. Heal me Lord, physically, emotionally and mentally. I am not strong. Be the rock under my feet so no one and nothing can shake me. I pray this with all humility and scared heart right now. I really want to have peace of mind- no more fears and tears. Heal Me Lord. Amen.

Christ is Risen!

Last day of the month. Thank you Lord for another productive March.
***
I am not worthy to be saved but you gave Your life for me.
Thank you for carrying my cross and dying for my sins.

You made the way clear and prepared Your Kingdom for me.

I am your daughter forever in awe and will always be grateful.

I'm sorry for my shortcomings.

I am short tempered.

My prayer Lord is for you to send me a patient and loving heart.

Bless and guide me to flourish and be successful in everything I do.

I will walk in faith knowing that You are with me in every step of the way.

Thank you Lord for everything.

Thank you for saving me.

I am not your perfect daughter, help me to be one.

Thank you.

In Jesus name, amen.

***

How I wish I have learned proper saving and investing long long time ago. So many wasted years. I'm praying that in today's young generation as early as high school there will be a subject focusing only on how to properly use hard earned money. 

I am happy I have started saving and investing.

I pray to the Lord to give me a strong and disciplined heart to continue this long term investment.

It has always been my dream to grow old healthy and wealthy. I want MY next generation to live a good life. A life that honors God and the freedom to go for their dreams without any monetary limitations. I want to be of help and not a burden to anyone when I get old. 

A dream that I am starting to build now. 

This is for myself and my family.

***

I'm eager to learn anything about stock market and life. How to have a perfect balance on getting rich financially, emotionally and spiritually. I searched for books, forums, online videos, articles concerning my topic and still this area is vast. Humongous if I may say. Sometimes I get frustrated for I cannot understand the language they speak but at the same time I get fascinated with all the changing numbers and color codes. I'm thankful I joined Bo Sanchez' Truly Rich Club. Slowly I'm learning the basics. Thank you Lord for they speak stocks in English! The price I pay every month for the club is worth for the knowledge I get every day. There are so much to study and learn and I don't want to stop now. Help me God. I really want to be successful on this one. I want my passive income to grow. I want this bad so send me all the resources I need and give me the wisdom to understand and the courage to continue. As I go with my journey to financial freedom help me too in my walk to strengthen my spiritual life Lord. 

***

As I continue my quest for that dreaded December 2012 accident.

I'm still not fully recovered.

I sent my panoramic xray to a maxillo facial dentist- and he said I have a fracture in my right tempo mandibular joint. This will cause a surgery. It has to be fixed. But my faith is strong I know I will be healed. God will going to send all the resources that I will be needing. 

I am asking Him boldly to align and fix my TMJ. As good as new. Balance and perfectly aligned.

I will be having another round of 3D CT Scan next week I know everything will be just fine. Perfectly fine. So all I need to secure and take care of is the alignment of my teeth that were also affected by the accident.

Lord, send me all that I need. How much? I am not sure yet, but I will let you know as soon as I get the exact figure. Send me a perfect team to help me in this situation. I need someone who will give me strong support system. It gets me down knowing that I do not look just fine. Talking to you makes me feel better. However, still send me a carefully well-chosen team to make me well again-actually even better. =) 

I lift all my worries to You, thank you for always taking away my worries and burdens.

I have the tendency to over analyze and think of the worst- help me get rid of that.

I ask a lot I guess. I hope it's okey.

Because I feel better when talking to You. And express things better when I'm writing to You.

I pray this special request Lord. In all honesty and humility I want you to heal me and make me look better. Thank You, Amen.

***

At work Lord, we need to downsize and remove/ transfer some of our agents and team leaders to another department or account wherever there is available. I've said to myself that if ever it will be me so will be transferred I am ready. I have to be ready and thrive. Because this is still me. Going somewhere else will not diminish the skills you gave me. Indeed, I will put them more to practice to be better. 

But I was asked to stay and still work with the group. Maybe I am doing something right and my mission is still not over. Lead me Lord and help me become better leader. Someone who gains trust, support and love from my people. Give me the knowledge and perseverance everyday to fulfill my job and to give more than what is required for it is another way of honoring you.

Lord, as a leader, my happiest moment is when I see my people earn more and grow and get promoted. Lord, help me build more people to reach their potentials.

But actually, going back to the downsizing, it was also a secret prayer (haha! nothing is secret to You) that they retain me. I can't add another stress Lord. I am not sure if I will undergo surgery or not or what will be the next processes. I am thankful my little wish is granted. Another answered prayer! Thank you.

***

I have to rest for now. Good night! Thank you for the gift of life, hope and technology!

Amen.

Freedom

Today, I paid my month's credit card bill in full. It feels liberating. Finally, I'm starting to walk the talk.

Financial freedom and control is another goal for 2013.

So help me God.

=)

#tbt

My sedentary life has to stop. I need to jog and do some physical activities again. I guess one of the reasons why I feel dead tired at the end of day's work is my lack of engaging physical activities. I've stopped my weekend jog few months back or is it half a year already? I'm just lucky for a fast metabolism I don't get fat that easy.

I miss the mountains and the joy they bring.

and being with a good company that will back you up and help you reach your goal

that despite the hardship you are rewarded of this beautiful majesty. you will be glad to be young and free.

and yes...the grasses can be as comfortable as your bed.

and the beauty of living a simple life with good friends...

Cheers to a beautiful life.

C'est la vie.

It is not everyday that we are young. Explore.

Throwback Thursday

I'm browsing archive pics from my laptop and they've brought me back to the years that have been. Great things captured in a millisecond shot and funny how people change. We do not know what the future brings or where we will be years from today but one thing I know for sure great things happen everyday.

I am just thinking, is it really better to be nice than to be right? Yes, I know we need to be always nice. How about being right? Should we just shrug things off because it is better to be nice than to be right?

Yesterday, I've watched the championship game of UAAP Women's Volleyball team where DLSU Lady Spikers emerged as champions made me miss my college days. The deadlines, exams, thesis, eye bags, school activities, parties....and that big question and anticipation of what will going to happen to me at the real world?

***
This was taken December of 2012.

And February 3, 2013 at the wedding of my boss.

NOW. NOTICE MY SHOES ! 3 years and counting baby!

LOYALTY.

When things go wrong...pray and do the harlem shake!

title ko kyut!

***

We must really write the things that we want to accomplish short term, long term or just even a to-do things for a day and stick to them no matter what! Because when I am offline I know that I have a lot of things to read and to learn online however whenever I'm already logged in my few minutes of browsing would eat up my whole online time. I have to focus and study more on stock market. Still an alien to me. I still can't get through the system, they still are alien to me. Recently I've joined several groups online to assist me in my learning curve.

Just right now...I made a long pause and watched some cool short videos while eating my late lunch and watching TV...

We can easily get distracted of so many thing.

Focus! Focus! Focus!

***

Lebron James...so funny! I think I can do this Harlem Shake! 

***

At Work.

It's a bit chaotic. You just have to find your own peace and not let the negativity that surrounds you go into your system. It is always best just to work and not to complain. I just observed that young people nowadays think that working in a BPO is a part time job. When they feel things are not working their way most of them would simply choose to resign and go to another center. This saddens me big time, I have nothing against the person nor the act it's just that where is the fighting spirit? Where is tenacity and longevity?  When given too much options we sometimes have the tendency to end up with nothing.

***

I don't have many nor the extravagance to support the cut but I will practice being minimalist. I will cut on unnecessary expenses, leave my credit cards at home, stick to my daily budget, will go to Guadalupe market instead of buying everything from Rob supermarket and pay my credit card bills on time and be debt free in no time.

I need discipline.

Today before going home I swing by at the SM Megamall and went home with a new pair of shoes. I don't feel bad for the new shoes, I think I need them anyway (excuses), I feel bad for not being able to control myself. 

Focus Ailynette! Focus!

Yes, I'm determined to live a minimalist life. Please help me God, give me the strength to control my buying impulse.

***

Summer is officially on!

And what is the best preparation to have a beach body?

Alcapone. My new found favorite. Babalik-balikan! I don't mind the calories. This is heaven. 

Favorite. Na miss kita ng matagal. Salamat nagkita tayo ulit!

***

Thank you Lord for the gift of life.

I seek for your guidance to shower me with patience, help me deal with my temper, and the courage to face each day with a strong and forgiving heart. Let me understand that it is not all about me. Let me become understanding and sensitive to the need of others. I lift up to you everything.

Thank you for all the blessings and for being there for me.

Amen.

Derivatives of my life

Where did all February go?

It came as quick as June rain and ended faster like a blink of an eye. Everything seemed to be fast paced  except my mouth to be fully mobilized. Two weeks have passed since the braces where removed and haven't been to my dentist for my check up and some operations caused by that dreaded December accident.

Today, supposed to be my off from work but were asked to report. Rest Day OT and everything is just acting up not so well-- checked our QA report for last week and I have 3 valid autofails. I just can't get over the fact that we always slip on small things. I'd rather work on something bigger rather than spend my energy fighting over little things that were supposed to be easy fixed.

***

At Work.

Client Visit. Performance management for non-performing agents. I have 2 agents go on LOI for another department to save their jobs. Coping on our stats. Working on our QA. Pretty much challenging not the usual week. All is well. Everything will be okey.

Team of the Month. January 2013. PV1.

Eye Baggage? Who does not have? We worked hard and earned a decent living from them. Cheers to more cups of coffee!

Back Row: (L-R)Fercy.Neil.Solenn.Hazel.Noeme.Mona.Lea.Alex.Mon.Dikki
Front Row: (L-R)Nelvie.Raich.Me.Marge
***
On Personal Note.

I still get insecure no matter how much and hard I try to psyched myself up and stay positive.
I came accross this great verse:

1 Samuel 16:7b
"People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

And it revived me. So right and timely.

Thursday.

I was a little anxious after I held a huddle to my team, I guess I've embodied a lot of Carrie Bradshow attitude that I became so upfront and straight forward. I might have hurt them, emotionally. I've realized that to where I live it doesn't work that way. But, a girl go to do what a girl got do. It is better to tell the truth than lie and talk behind their back. I care for honest people. I love those who are willing to accept their mistakes and are more than willing to learn and let go.

Yes, it's how you say it. But sometimes no matter how you say it some does not take any criticism. According to Reader's Digest (I've read this years back) something like cristisms would only be constructive to someone saying it.

And inspite of my inability to chew 100% still I rewarded myself for a sumptous lunch at Max's with J. And this is my real meal for since December 30, 2012. I was so full. Life after Death. Haha!

Did I mention that I think I have a hidden talent in cooking? =)

I already know how to:

1. Cook red spaghetti (those with hotdogs and ground pork)
2. Corned beef with sliced patatas

to add to my Sinigang!

And I will be purchasing cookbooks too! I wandered at National Bookstore and saw this Mamasita's book... i think I will get one. Just need to learn the basics first. =)

***
And this month running I'm already on my 4th book.

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green; The Carrie Diaries and Summer and The City both by Candace Bushnell.

Atleast I'm catching up to the life of Carrie Bradshaw and friends, another proof of my being late bloomer. Happy and Proud to be One!

Sun, Sand and Sea

After this crisis...all I want to be is be near the sun, sand and salty sea...

Mirror...Mirror...

There will come a time that no matter how you cultivate your positive energies they still are not enough to make you feel better.

Insecurities will still hover all over you.

All those years of digging over self-help books and magazines are of no help. Part of these learnings would want to burst from your reserved memories but the present reality will kill them just enough. No matter how hard you try feel all the good vibes---when you look at the mirror--you will just have that biggest sigh.

I feel so negative and down today. I don't feel beautiful at all. Sad.

Can we just drag the days to move faster?

I want this over.

I Heart You

Happy Valentine's day!

Everyone is going crazy on how to celebrate this day. Happy are those in love and requited. I am happy for you keep the love burning and make Christ as the center of everything. For those who are still waiting, make your time count and be the best person you can be. Love yourself first- that's the greatest gift of all.

I am blessed to have J.

Words are not enough to tell how grateful I am for you being always there for me- I am in count in spending more Valentine's day with you. May we grow old together- happy and healthy.
***
Saturday.

Finally, may braces were removed. Freedom from the elastics. That was 6 weeks of straw feeding. But I do not complain. Okey...yes a little. But all's well that ends well. I'm not yet fully recovered. As of this writing I'm on soft-diet. I still can't chew and can hardly open my mouth. It will take maybe a week or two to fully mobilized. Ending, I still can't go to the dentist. I have to endure this. hay...life. But I'm psyching up myself to be okey and not be shy. Aja Ailynette! You can do this. This too shall pass.

***
I took two days off from work and just stayed home and played a role of an old housewife less the tea party of a leisured woman. I am proud for all the mamas that devoted their whole life taking care of their family! Selfless and genuine- mother's love.

***
Sunday.

J's 28th birthday celebration. He had a whole day of 2W training and went home with certificate of completion. Since I'm still on a special diet- dining out is not an option. I instead cooked sinigang, the only dish i know to prepare and clean after all my mess. We enjoyed his birthday cake over a cup of coffee while watching TV. I just love this boy- so simple and easy to please.
***

Life has too much drama already- we have to be selective on what we feed our minds.

Soon it'll be over and done.

Today marks my 4th week of straw feeding! Such a feat Ailynette! God is mighty, He made me able to surpass everything. There were days that I still feel sad but through prayers I am able to overcame my fears and disppointments. Life went as it is. Once every week I have to go to my doctor to check my improvements and change the elastics and to allow me to brush my teeth and tongue. Hehe! But of course I do brush daily. Gradually, slowly, with a slow left-right-left-right glide and then a power gargle of Betadine. There were mouth sores because of the arch but Betadine can heal the sores fast so I do not worry much. I actually made a pact not to worry and not to literally count the days. Just let it go and slide. This too shall pass. And two weeks left! Way to go!
***

January 24.

My sister Ven flew to Australia to be with her husband Mike. I will surely miss her and how she takes care of me and J. I pray for them to have good time and for great memories to fill the memory box of their marriage and in God's willing...a bouncing baby girl or boy too!

***

As promised.

This month I finished two books. Stieg Larrson's The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest.

Then I started reading Life of Pi after few pages I decided to wait a bit and not to force myself into this book. Will instead  finish The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.

But for two days now Candy Crush is taking much of my time. This is not good. Focus Ailynette. But this game is addictive...time management maybe?
***

I am just proud to share that since we moved to our new office address I have not been late eversince! Big smile!

***
January 15.

Vonage Outbound on its 7th year! I am a proud member of this family. I joined Vonage when its just 4 months old. Barely moving and still on breast feeding. Haha! I saw it grow from enfant to toddler and now 7 years? Wow! To God Be The Glory and I want to be bold in asking these prayers. Lord, give us seven more successful and productive years! Amen.

***

Two Important Lessons Learned and Applied this month:

1. The wheel of life will not going to stop to wait for you to catch up.
2. Is is not about YOU.

***
I'm looking forward for a best February!

IIIII-II

Today I just have to cut my hair short and paint my nails blue.

I become so sad all of a sudden and I just need to do something to make myself happy.

I went to the hospital this morning for my follow up but the doctor is not in, I have to go back on Tuesday.

I prayed intently to cut the time short that I need to feed through straw. My problem is not as big as world peace...but I pity myself when they're not smoothies and fruit shakes.

I asked Him to give me strength and to sustain me physically and emotionally. I know all things are possible through Christ. I just have to ask and this will be given.

Counting the days...when I can have fried chicken again.

=)

My heart is soft...so as my diet...

Happy New Year!

Blogging from VRP Room 804.

Yup, I welcomed 2013 looking out the window and enjoying fireworks display at the hospital.

I had an accident last year! Dec 29 and is rushed to the hospital. I faint and really passed out.

I've done with the series of tests like mandible and chest xray, CT scan (brain and mandible), ECG, 2D echo and underwent 2nd level operation for my mandible. Doctors found through my mandible xrays..dislocation and they have done inter mandibular maxillary fixation. So for 6 weeks I will be with braces and cannot open my mouth, I will be too on a strict soft diet and cannot talk as I normally do. My mouth are clenched and talk ing is tedious. After 6 weeks and when these arch bars be removed from my mouth I will undergo rehabilitation to practice normal chewing, talking and all the functions of my mandibles.

I don't know how to put this on a better perspective. Maybe better than my roommate (i'm on a semi-private) who paid more than 400k pesos on her operation; a fine and strong woman; she slipped on her way down their car and had a hip replacement. I admire her courage and determination and on how she is loved by her family. I pray for her fast recovery and more graceful years to add on her really colorful life.

Continuing at home...

Just got home today. I had a long bath and it was really refreshing. I need that badly after my 5 day stay at room 804. I was just wondering...why I do not have that "patient bracelet?"

I don't want to complain now. What's done is done. And things do not just happen. They happen for some reasons.

There were times that I would come to blame myself for what happened and sometimes you for some specific reasons that are legitimate but really were not. Yes, there is this part of my brain soliciting these ideas. But I will contradict myself- there is no one to blame- this is purely an accident.

I had my operation. I will suffer for 6 weeks soft diet- i cannot talk (much)- i cannot laugh, I can smile- life goes on! After this...next step. One at a time.

I know you know how excited I was for Peng's wedding. I've been talking about it for months...ending I was at the hospital on her wedding day. We made plans for NYE and there I was at room 804 sitting on my bed and enjoying the free fireworks display as far as my eyes can see.

I will pass two bottles now.

Plans for 2013 will still push through. This is just a test. Now I can tell- I blame no one.

I thank J and my sister Ven for being always there for me, they gave me strength and courage to go on and see the positive side of the story.

In memory of Room 804. Sketched by Nanay's son-in-law to her daughter Nora.

A view from my room- where I had an ocean access to have a free fireworks display on NYE. Life still is beautiful. =)

Thank you also for paying me a visit.

For my thoughtful college friends. You guys are simply the best, I love the magazines you gave. And yes...I'm jealous of your Potipot detour! Hmmp! =) And Joiz- the dress just perfectly fit!

and now...to end this...my heart is soft...so as my diet!

and boi...I am just hungry.